The timekeeper cites three news sources in as many weeks that have noted that the $500 million Reliance/DreamWorks deal is "a week" away from closing. The Wall Street Journal was a little more vague when breaking the story last June, reporting only that the parties were "close" to a deal. A fun theory floated at the time suggested outgoing 'Works partner David Geffen fed the story to the Journal to entice a bid from Rupert Murdoch himself, whose 20th Century Fox is on the short (if unlikely) list of potential DreamWorks distributors:

"This is what [Geffen] does really well," a studio veteran said after details of DreamWorks' new deal fanned across the film industry like a Malibu fire. On close inspection, the source explained, those details are not only weeks away from being worked into a contract, but out there in a way to stir up interest from interlopers. Even the scoop by which the deal-in-progress became public — page one, above the fold, in The Wall Street Journal — appeared orchestrated.

Our own DreamWorks digging unearthed little new news, and our Magic 8-Ball isn't much help either, with the inquiry, "Will Steven Spielberg be a free man?" first turning up the response, "Ask again later," followed by, "Outlook good." Whatever — if it's good enough for the Journal, then it's good enough for us.

• Why Is This DreamWorks-Reliance Deal Taking So Long? [The Business Sheet]

· Hollywood Web and Television Meetup at Blankspaces.
· Gin Blossoms in Pershing Square Park (Free!).
· Wizard Finger at Molly Malone's
· Katchafire at the Roxy.

Boomp3.com

Beloved actress Anne Hathaway embarked on a mini walk of shame outside of Coco De Ville Tuesday night. The Get Smart star, who recently split from con man & Zach Braff look alike Raffaello Follieri, allegedly had a lapse in judgment and gave reality TV maven Brody Jenner her number. At the valet station, Hathaway confessed to a BFF that she was suckered in by Jenner's frat boy charm. Hathaway sighed, "He had a backwards hat on and, well, I don't know....He just seemed like a guy who wouldn't be able pull off an elaborate con involving the Vatican, which is exactly the kind of guy I'm looking to rebound with. And he was wearing a backwards hat."

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

It's been thirteen years since the two legends shared the screen in Heat, but that was the first and only time, and they only appeared together in two scenes. (They were both in The Godfather, Part II, but their characters never met.) Now, the grand dukes of Italian wise guys are finally being reunited on screen in Righteous Kill. But is it too late to capture the magic?

De Niro and Pacino play…

There was/is a huge Wolverine set being recently used. I'm not even sure which lot it was built on, but the look or mood of the set is, according to a source who was told Hood's view of things, supposed to be on the dark, dinghy and somber side. I only know what I was told, but the basics are that Hood was away from the set for whatever reason (shooting something else, taking a day or two off), and when he returned to the big somber set he was shocked to find that it had been repainted top to bottom on Rothman's orders. The murky-scuzzy vibe was gone, and a brighter and less downish look had taken its place.

Perhaps Rothman has taken his fan letter from Steven Spielberg too much to heart, but a child-friendly Wolverine feels less "X" and more "Y?" Does this mean his bristly greeting of "Bub" will be redubbed "Buddy," or his iconic cigar will be replaced with a pixie stick? C'mon, Tom: Wolvie isn't meant for buoyant musical numbers — or don't you remember what happened last time?

• He Da Boss [Hollywood Elsewhere]

Boomp3.com

As a charter member of the Hollywood Welcome Wagon, Jeremy Piven did his best to welcome the city's newest resident on the set of Entourage. Piven listened intently as the woman explained her trials and tribulations in the big city of dreams and the differences here and back home in St. Paul, Minnesota. Piven confided to the woman that he also was a reformed midwesterner as well. Piven said, "After you have that first double-double from In-N-Out and watch the sunrise in Malibu and then get grossed out by a tranny on Santa Monica Blvd, you'll never want to go back there." Piven also slipped the woman his business card and said that the card would be for two free drinks at the Green Door on Thursday night.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

The Latin superstar, 36, welcomed twin boys via a surrogate mother a few weeks ago, his rep tells the Associated Press.

"The children, delivered via gestational surrogacy, are healthy and already under Ricky's full-time care," the statement read.

"Ricky is elated to begin this new chapter in his life as a parent and will be spending the remainder of the year out of the public spotlight in order to spend time with his children."

You hear that, ravenous news media? If you don't see or hear from Ricky Martin over the next year, it's not because you didn't see or hear from him over this past year. And if he elects to support his new brood with a speedo-wearing manny, well, who's to argue?

[photo credit: AP]

• BREAKING NEWS: Singer Ricky Martin Welcomes Twin Boys [Us]

[Photo via BWE.tv]

Dear God,

Hi, God, it's me, Heather O'Rourke — the little girl from Poltergeist. How's tricks? I know how busy you must be dealing with the whole Isaac Hayes thing right now (my vote: let him in!), but when you get a second, I was hoping I might ask you for just one tiny little favor. It would really mean a lot, and I've been really good all these years and haven't requested anything except for that pony, but that was, like, 20 years ago when I first got here, and you never got back to me. No probs, though, God — I'm kinda glad it didn't work out, because now I need you to do me a much more important solid: Can you please smite the people responsible for this planned remake of Poltergeist?

I don't quite know how these things work; Brad Renfro told me you helped out with his dealer not too long ago, and that depending on my grievance I could get some "real fucking payback" (his words not mine, LOL). And I think I've got a pretty strong case. I'm sure you've heard about all these movies MGM is recycling — Red Dawn, RoboCop, etc. — which is all pretty tacky, if you ask me. Like, really, God, aren't there any new ideas? Then I heard this morning that they hired some writers to remake my movie Poltergeist. I couldn't believe it! We had such a good thing going back in 1982, and now they're just gonna go and unimaginatively squeeze another few dollars out of the property. I'm practically spinning in my grave!

Now listen, God: I have always minded my manners and been nice to everyone, as per Your dictates. But this really ticks me off, and if everyone else down on Earth gets to bomb, rape and kill each other with impunity, I don't see why I can't just this once ask you to strike someone with lightning or cast them opposite Billy Bob Thornton or at least scare some honest-to-You sense into them. Have you seen Poltergeist, God? I mean, I know you probably anticipated a lot of the twists, but didn't we do a good job overall — good enough to be left alone, anyway? It's not like we made Short Circuit (another forthcoming remake, but that's not my problem) or anything.

And frankly, God, You've already made enough trouble with the whole curse that brought me and my on-screen sister Dominique Dunne here prematurely. I think teaching these heathens a lesson would be a healthy first step in rehabilitating Your image among us.

Anyway, the people at MGM are named Harry Sloan, Mary Parent and Cale Boyter. The writers' names are Stiles White and Juliet Snowden, but I guess technically it's not their fault that this is happening, so please go easy on them — maybe an extended power outage, or an erased hard drive if they dare to revive my signature line, "They're heeeeeere." I trust You to determine the punishment for the studio people, though, especially with those other perversions they've wreaked of late. In fact, if You could get Tom Cruise himself to kill this project, I promise to clean my room and make my bed and eat my vegetables as long as I... well, You know.

So how about it, God? I'm really a sweet girl, but isn't enough enough? Let me know...

xo,

Heather

PS Leroi Moore, God? Really? That's just mean.

Boomp3.com

Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker continued to defy the rumors that there's trouble in their personal paradise as they sported matching gray cardigans on Wednesday. Their child's own gray cardigan was taken out of commission earlier in the day thanks to an incident involving chocolate ice cream, but the couple vowed not to let that affect their trip. Broderick said with pride, "It's like we're the Mets. Right now, we're in first place in family fun and we're going to go all the way to big show."

[Photo Credit: Flynet]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Most observers seem to think its a scenario as likely as the anthrax contagion rumored to be puffed through MGM Tower's central A/C, but frankly, we're in love with the idea. Moreover, we're in love with the 91-year-old mogul still rocking the brass balls it takes to reportedly offer $3 billion for the studio he sold to Sony four years ago for $5 billion:

Kerkorian's purported $3 billion offer roughly equates to the value of the studio implied in recent trading activity in MGM debt instruments, banking-community insiders noted. ...

Well-placed sources indicate MGM is sufficiently capitalized to fund film chief Mary Parent's ambitious new slate of film productions and other studio operations for at least another year. But after that, most believe, the studio likely will need to turn to new equity investors to maintain equilibrium.

We, too, had heard earlier whispers that Reliance Big Entertainment had considered an MGM bid before settling on DreamWorks for a fraction of the cost (and about 10 times the momentum), but thank goodness it took a pass. No potential deal boasts the appeal of Kerkorian 4.0, whose traditional role as Moribund MGM Heir historically augurs at least a few short-term miracles for the studio; the guy clearly can't wait to get in on that coveted remake of Red Dawn and/or putt around in the United Artists power vacuum. Which reminds us: Expect a press release from Harry Sloan by the end of the day assuring Hollywood that Tom Cruise is still in charge. He's just saying. Is all.

• Rumor values MGM at $3 billion [THR]

• Gambling Nights (NSFW) [lastnightsparty.com]

She’s “the one who said the Earth isn’t round? First, we know it’s round because, like Sherri Shepherd, we can see it from space,” Maher quips.

“Secondly, to me this is child abuse. If you [can’t] tell your children if the Earth is flat or not … this is why this country is in such trouble. We’re bringing up ignorant children because they have ignorant parents.”

On Republican candidate John McCain, he says, “I’m amused when pundits say that McCain has to pick a running mate who’s younger than he is. You think? Who’s older?!”

Try the veal! But seriously, we hope this doesn't interfere with Maher's booking chances on The View; we can't wait to see Barbara Walters hold one fluttery hand to her chest, murmuring "Oh Dear," as Shepherd and Maher get into a "yo mama" battle royale. At the very least, can we get the man a spot on Wendy Williams?

[photo credit: AP]

• TV Guide

Boomp3.com

All heck broke loose at LAX on Tuesday afternoon when Kate Hudson entered a terminal with sweaty pits. One onlooker remarked, "I had always heard that celebrities were supposedly regular people like you and me, but never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that they would go out in public without applying a little anti-perspirant." Another onlooker, a self-described "excessive sweater", appreciated seeing a fellow sweater living their life to the fullest.

[Photo Credit: Flynet]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

While much has been made of whether or not this tangent into the realm of prosthetics-and-yak-hair-based comedy marked a new beginning for the faltering superstar's career—or a spectacular start to its end—there's no denying Cruise's investment in the demonic performance, as if he realized what was stake as the cameras rolled. Yes, this is truly one for the ages, with Cruise's unforgettable delivery of, "Take a big step back, and literally FUCK YOUR OWN FACE" sure to be sandwiched between the Risky Business underwear sequence and Born on the Fourth of July's climactic protest scene in future billion-year lifetime achievement award ceremony highlight reels.

• Tom Cruise’s ‘Tropic Thunder’ Cameo Leaks to YouTube, Is Not Funny [Vulture]

JOHN Cusack learned he should stick to acting with his first piece for the Huffington Post Chicago - which was "riddled with more errors than the 2006 Cubs," according to one blogger. Cusack, who was writing about his childhood as a fan of the Cubs, the White Sox, Michael Jordan and Walter Payton, managed to misspell the names of three Cubs players and of playwright Eugene O'Neill. Cusack also erroneously stated that Sammy Sosa played for the '89 Cubs. Finally, the "High Fidelity" star described taking the "express" train to Wrigley Field. There has never been an express to Wrigley. Cusack - whose last two movies, "Grace Is Gone" and "War, Inc.," were both anti-war bombs - also described how he would "scrape together $2.50" to go to a baseball game. "Cusack grew up in a massive house on Sheridan Road," said another reader of the Beachwood Reporter Web site. "It's slightly disingenuous to say he had to 'scrape' together $2.50. I'm thinking that wasn't an issue."

Also, is there really any such person as "John Cusack," or is it an elaborate ruse cooked up by "childhood friend" Jeremy Piven? It's no coincidence that you never see the two of them together anymore... could this be the reason that the Piv was shut out of High Fidelity? Were the CGI costs simply too high? When will the Huffington Post renounce the John Cusack-impersonating Jeremy Piven???

[photo credit: AP]

• Cusack's Strikeout [NY Post]
• Bleary-eyed in Bangkok: Daybreak Memories of Chicago [HuffPo]

Oh, but for the good old days, we're learning as the all-knowing National Enquirer — your trusted (and print-only in this case, we're afraid) oracle for anonymously sourced Foster's Splitsville drama — now reports that the actress's romantic reboot may cost her a quarter of her fortune. Or, adjusted roughly for inflation, $25 million:

Over the summer, however, Jodie began to realize just how much was at stake financially. ... The actress has an estimated net worth of $100 million, with at least $50 million being earned during her relationship with Cydney. Cydney could ask for — and likely get — half of the $50 million if she sued Jodie.

To counter that threat, the source says Jodie is desperately trying to keep peace between her new lover and Cydney. "She wants them to be friends," the source said. "Jodie realizes that if Cydney perceives them to be one big happy family, she'd never sure for half her assets."

And what signifies a "big happy family"? Free residency for Bernard at one of Foster's homes in LA, for starters, followed by invitations to "parties and barbecues" to visit Foster's sons Charles and Kit. And, of course, a classically Foster-esque buyout that we'll likely never know about, requiring a yearly six-figure annuity and the contractual divestiture of Foster's beloved, Scorsese-signed Taxi Driver one-sheet to Bernard's lawyers "just for the hell of it." A tough break, to be sure — perhaps the star's toughest yet. But for a younger woman and anything else worth having, pay now or pay later; we just hope this doesn't necessitate Nim's Island 2.